


The Monopoly Archives

by b_e_e_p



Series: Game Night! [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Board Games, Gen, Monopoly (Board Game), jon doesnt know that youre supposed to cheat at monopoly, soft kidnapping, tim doesnt know how to pick up a cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:20:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22992346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b_e_e_p/pseuds/b_e_e_p
Summary: Game night is tonight, and Jon is just *so* kidnappable...
Relationships: Martin Blackwood & Sasha James & Jonathan Sims & Tim Stoker
Series: Game Night! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652368
Comments: 6
Kudos: 89





	The Monopoly Archives

**ARCHIVIST**

Statement ends. I don’t have much to say about this one. I find it hard to believe that this person's ferrets are really possessed by some… kleptomaniac demon. It’s… I suppose if it were any other animal, possession could _almost_ be a reasonable assumption, but ferrets are known for being thieves. I won’t grace this with a follow up-

[THE SOUND OF A DOOR CREAKING SLIGHTLY OPEN] 

**SASHA**

Jon, do you have a moment? 

**ARCHIVIST**

Sure, I’m just finishing up this statement. What do you need? 

**SASHA**

Would you- We’d like to know if you’d like to join us for game night in the breakroom. Just a quick round of Monopoly. 

**ARCHIVIST**

( _unconvincingly_ ) I’m… sure that would be… very fun. But- 

**SASHA**

( _enthusiastically_ ) So you’ll join us? 

**ARCHIVIST**

Uhm, no, I think instead I’ll just head back home for the night. Thank you, for the offer, but no thank you. 

**SASHA**

( _muffled- she turned her head back outside_ ) Tim, he said no. Help me pick him up. 

**ARCHIVIST**

I’m- I’m sorry, what was that- AHH TIM. TIM PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW. ( _sounds of struggle (and light laughter!) can be heard_ ) END RECORDI- 

[TAPE CLICKS OFF] 

~~ 

“Jesus Jon, I think you elbowed me in the ribs! It’s like trying to pick up a cat, I swear.” Tim touches his side gently. Jon glares at him. 

“Tim, do you know how to properly pick up a cat? If you do it correctly, they won’t struggle like Jon did. Most of the time, they’re actually quite calm about it.” Sasha shakes her head as she sets up the board. “Jon, which piece do you want? I’ll let you pick first, since we did kidnap you here.” 

He grumbles something incoherent as he picks up the hat piece and places it on the GO square as Martin enters the room. 

“Sorry I’m late, I just- Oh hello, Jon. I didn’t expect you to be joining us, usually you say no… I mean, I’m glad you’re here! Just… just surprised, is all.” 

As Martin sits down with the rest of them, Jon mutters something in response about _being brought here against his will_ , but he doesn’t make a move to leave. Everyone else chooses their pieces, rolls to see who goes first, and game night begins.  


~~ 

“Tim, you can’t, you can’t just team up with Sasha after you go bankrupt. That’s not how this game works! Sasha, why-” Jon looks to Sasha for some explanation, but only receives a shrug in response. “Are you doing this to spite me? Is that it?” 

“If you’d like, Jon, we could form an alliance? Both of us could play to defeat Sasha and Tim,” He looks at Martin’s hand on his shoulder and shakes his head disapprovingly. 

“That’s not how the game _works_ Martin. There’s no…” Jon gestures wildly at the board. “There’s no teaming up or alliances. Monopoly is every man for himself.” 

“If they’re doing it, we could probably stand a better chance at one of us winning if we teamed up-” 

“Martin. If Tim and Sasha jumped off a cliff, would you follow?” Martin opens his mouth to answer, but is once again cut off. “Actually, don’t answer that, you probably would. My point is, they’re ignoring the… the _rules_ of the game. But I will follow the rules, and I will still beat them. I don’t need an alliance.” 

Jon almost feels guilty when he sees the way Martin’s shoulders slump as he sighs in defeat. _Almost_. Having some sort of alliance, instead of facing his opponents alone, probably would have guaranteed him a win, but something in him needs to prove… something. He doesn’t think about it too much as he rolls his dice and secures the last available property, one of the yellow ones. 

~~ 

“No… no no no- this isn’t fair. You- you’re _cheating_. Stop that. I refuse to give you my hard-earned Monopoly Money because you- you’re cheating! I refuse to comply.” Jon crosses his arms and glares at his piece, which has landed on Tim and Sasha’s fully upgraded Boardwalk tile. 

Sasha giggles and Tim holds out his hand. “Come on, Jon. Pay up. You owe us...“ He releases a low whistle. “ _2000 Monopoly Monies_! That’s a hefty sum.” 

He shakes his head as Sasha picks up Jon’s piece and moves it to jail, despite his protests. Jon tries to object, but she arrests him nonetheless, claiming tax evasion. 

“That’s not what tax evasion is! I demand a fair trial!” 

“Okay… Tim and I vote that you go to jail. Martin, what do you say?” 

Martin looks up from his phone at his name, and glances at the expecting faces of his coworkers. “Oh no. I’m out of the game, you can’t make me vote on this.” Sasha shrugs and resumes jailing Jon’s piece. 

“This isn’t a fair trial. This- do you know how a trial works? It’s not just a vote, it’s a whole _process_ , you can’t just-” Jon takes in a deep breath, and releases a somehow deeper sigh, resigning himself to his new life as a prisoner of the law. 

~~ 

It takes a lot of willpower not to flip the board when he goes bankrupt. Mostly, he refrains because it would be such a hassle to pick up all the pieces, because Sasha and Tim had an obscene amount of hotels on their properties by the time they won- no, _finished_ \- the game. Jon mutters something about how he could kick their collective asses in UNO as he folds up the board, and Tim’s ears all but perk up. 

“So you’ll join us next week to prove it then?” 

**Author's Note:**

> yes they WILL play uno. MAYBE JON WILL CRUSH THEM I DONT KNOW. i havent decided


End file.
